It’s Not Torture, It’s Enhanced Interrogation

1. Grab: the interrogator grabs a suspect’s shirt front and shakes him.

This is not torture, according to the USA.

2. Slap: an open-handed slap to produce fear and some pain.

This is not torture, according to the USA.

3. Belly Slap: a hard slap to the stomach with an open hand. This is designed to be painful but not to cause injury. A punch is said to have been ruled out by doctors.

This is not torture, according to the USA.

4. Standing: Prisoners stand for 40 hours and more, shackled to the floor. Said to be effective, it also denies them sleep and is part of a process known as sensory deprivation ( this was a technique used by British forces in Northern Ireland for a time until it was stopped).

This is not torture, according to the USA.

5. Cold Cell: a prisoner is made to stand naked in a cold, though not freezing, cell and doused with water.

This is not torture, according to the USA.

6. Water Boarding: the prisoner is bound to a board with feet raised, and cellophane wrapped round his head. Water is poured onto his face and is said to produce a fear of drowning which leads to a rapid demand for the suffering to end.

This is not torture, according to the USA.

Which is great, because I’d hate to think that America is shipping prisoners out of a legal limbo of a prison in Communist Cuba around the world because they want to be doubly sure that they’re not going to get caught doing something whos legalities rest on a tortured definition (no sic intended) of severe pain. After all, they’ve no morality to check it against anymore, have they?

No they must be flying them around the globe to ask them if insert relevant boogy man this month is in the mountain range that we’re over just now.